Merry and Be Merry

Ahh the joy of being little at Christmas Time . . .

Watching my baby boy sleep under the light of the shining star on top our tree takes me to a moment when I was young . . . Christmas Eve, my family and I are traveling back from a Candle Light service that my Mom puts on once a year. Silent Night still ringing in my head. My sisters and I snuggled as close as possible (Winter always seemed so extremely cold back then) Oakley, of course, calling a window seat, Cayden always being the last to call anything out (unfairly) sits in the middle. I am on the other side of her behind my mom, a faint scent of perfume is being blown about from the warm air that is blasting from the vents. Her scent is circulating us like a warm cocoon tucking us in to her sheltered presence. My Dad driving at a fast and steady speed, calls back to us asking if we had seen what he had just seen in the sky? I press my cheek against the cool glass, searching the sky for any possible sign for my Santa Clause. I just know that if I look hard enough that I will see him, if I hold my breath and try not to blink, then I’d catch him. I can feel it with every being of my seven year old soul that I will catch a glimpse of this magical man in the sky. I can feel my sisters next to me, their hearts at a slow beat, I can see me Dads profile from the light of the radio, and I don’t have to look for my Mom, I know she is always there. Staying in this moment, traveling forever in this car is just fine with me. A presence of peace falls over my tiny body, I can feel my eyes droop; the temperature is perfect, hot to the point of cozy sleep, but the cold from the window keeping me awake, ready to catch a glimpse. I don't see him, I know he is just too fast for me; I know he knows I am keeping watch. I slide back down against my sister using her as a pillow, she never pushes me off or tells me to move over, she lets me lie there, she lets me fall sleep. Ava Maria is gently playing in the background. Slowly I lose the fight. I drift off in to a peaceful innocent sleep, I try to stay awake, but it is just too big of a burden for one little girl and as my last eyelash hits my face one more thought flutters me awake . . . I must remember the cookies . . .

Sweet innocence is what I love most when I look at this sweet chunky southern baby boy in my arms. He is fast asleep without an ounce of thought. All he knows is love. The glow of the tree makes him look just like a sleeping cherub and I can hardly stand not waking him just so that he’ll look at me with those beautiful eyes that he got from his Daddy. I look at him and my love for him makes my chest tight and I know that this is how Mary felt about Jesus.

In a cold Manger in the middle of the night I know exactly how she felt as she looked at her

Beautiful Baby Boy in the moonlight. . .

This is what it is all about . . .

knowing only love

Merry Christmas

Feeling Cold . . . I have that winter restlessness that I tend too get once a year that comes with feeling cold. At this time I am always ready too move away, find a new project, create a new space for my family, new job, new house, new recipe, new paint color. . . I dream of summer nights and miss the romance of rolling down the windows; listening to music in the dark warm air, falling asleep in a warm shadow; instead I find myself running from the cold, running from a life that feels boring and nonexistent. I keep trying to find solitude in all that I am, but I look around and feel like I haven’t accomplished very much. I feel as though today needs to be the day . . . Kinda like that commercial for the Georgia Lottery (that I will win on Tuesday)

Today Will Be the Day

This will forever be my future motto, I always wanted a motto anyway and this just seems so perfect.

Today Will Be the Day . . . for new beginnings, new goals, new records, new every things! Today, I have checked one more thing off that I wanted to do in my life. I am sick of my excuses. My excuses of keeping my “babyweight” on, so you guessed it, Today will be the Day that I start my ass in gear, however big that ass may have gotten over the past 15 months, I will shake that ass into losing this extra mass that has attached to my body since getting pregnant 15 months ago.

Here are some goals that I need to put in to print so that they will be in front of my face, until I complete them.

Run a Half Marathon – Today Will Be the Day
Learn how to speak Italian - Today Will Be the Day
Learn how to play an instrument (Guitar) - Today Will Be the Day
Lose this “Babyweight” and then some - Today Will Be the Day
Eat Healthy - Today Will Be the Day
Cook at least 4 times a week - Today Will Be the Day
Drink more water - Today Will Be the Day
Read (something other than Nursery Rhymes) - Today Will Be the Day
I’ve kind of consumed myself with Motherhood and I need to find that place for my husband again - Today Will Be the Day
Stay organized – In my home, in my car, in my life, with my baby and my husband - Today Will Be the Day
Do something for myself (like take a class, get my hair done, go to the chiropractor) I always feel like it is selfish to do these things – always feeling like it is a waste of money to spend on myself when I should be using that money towards my family, but Today Will Be the Day, and I feel like doing a little something for myself isn’t all that bad; I guess I should say it again b/c I feel like I just had to explain myself and make an excuse to do this – which I will do no more – TODAY WILL BE THE DAY

Oggi è una v aux giornata

Ciao

- M -

Lovin' the Holidays

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1469485302

A Pain in My Chest

Jack @ 3 months -

A small pain in my chest rises up every time another moment passes and Jack grows older . . . I can't believe he's already 3 months old!!! Life is starting to speed up and I fear we are all getting older . . . Didn't it seem like just a second ago we were all 17 and bored with our lives; yearning for it to change? Now it seems it is all going by way too fast . . . We all need to take pleasure in the simple things again, like when we were young, when all we had was our mothers arms wrapped around us and that was simply enough . . .

I am grateful for the small things and here are just some of my favorite . . .

good conversation with an interesting person, sipping wine after you’ve taken a bite of chocolate, a stormy afternoon wrapped up in a blanket, fresh sheets, a butterfly landing on a leaf, freshly cut grass, seeing the coast after a long winters nap, seeing the first firefly of the season, a book that moves your imagination, a movie that isn’t a disappointment, a letter in the mail, your honey saying a simple yet loving remark, a dog looking at you sideways, watching your baby sleep, eat, cry, laugh, smile, babble, spit up, poop, drool . . . the small things are what matter most and this small thing named JACK is all mine to love . . .

Feeling Rare

I don't know who this is, but I want to be her!!! I'm feeling restless and anxious. I'm not sure what role I need to fall into. I have so much I need to do, so much I need to accomplish, but with each day it feels farther and farther away. . . hopefully i'll pull it all back in because I have a feeling if I don't, I might end up like this funny little broad:)

FINALLY

1.) We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2.) Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3.) People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4.) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.




~Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.



~8 random things about me:

FINALLY - C has been begging me to do this for weeks - I hope I don't disappoint:(

- I can do all the hard Sudoku puzzles, but get puzzled on the easy ones

- Sometimes, on a Saturday or Sunday, if I’m alone, I’ll take three or four baths, just too get warm. I'll fill the tub up, sit in it for 10 or 15 mins, be done and get out; without ever thinking of my water bill or the environment.

- I love to drive around at night looking at houses with lights on and thinking of what other families are doing at that moment.

- When I drive too work I make up skits in my head and act them out. I'll be talking in an English accent; acting out a scene . . . I know other drivers think I’m crazy.

- Sometimes, I’ll make myself cry when I have a headache because it feels like it releases the pressure on my brain and for a second I get relief. (I get headaches 5 to 6 times a week)


- I dread WINTER

- I love trashy reality shows:)

- When it is more than one other person, I’ve noticed I’m extremely quite and am the one mostly sitting and listening - I don't know what that is about - Sometimes it will get to the point that I know I haven't said anything in awhile and I rush to find something to say!!!

The only person I can tag is C - I hope this makes her day!!!

I love Questionnaires

This is on my Sister’s Blog so I decided to do it myself.

Are your parents married or divorced? They were married for 12 years, got divorced and then remarried one another and have been married ever sense –
32 years

Do you believe in heaven? 100 %

Have you ever come close to dying? No

What jewelry do you wear 24/7 ? My Wedding ring – I love it!

Do you eat the stems of broccoli? I eat the whole thing as long as it’s steamed, I hate cold uncooked Broccoli.

Do you wear makeup? Most of the time, but really only mascara and something on my lips to make them less red.

Would you ever have plastic surgery? For Sure, there is no reason to go through life unhappy with something you are self-conscious about and can fix.

What do you wear to bed? Pajama Bottoms and Hubby’s Big Shirt, but these days (9 months pregnant) his “big” shirts seem so tiny

Have you ever done anything illegal? I'm sure

Can you roll your tongue? Yes

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Happily married

Do you believe in abortions? I am Pro-choice, but against abortion. I’ve always believed that ultimately it is a human’s right to choose what is right for them, but then again so many people make the wrong decisions. This is hard- rape, neglect, drugs- yes maybe. I could never do it.

What is your hair color? Brown w/ some blonde/brassy tones – Not cute at all since I haven’t been able to dye it – in the winter it gets grossly brassy – I can’t wait to dye my hair.

Future child's name, boy and girl? We are naming our first son Eric Jackson our second, if it is a girl, we’re thinking of Bella Bradford

Do you smoke? No, got sick on the one and only cigarette I ever tried and could never do it again – I think it is a disgusting habit.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Italy, Caribbean islands, Ireland, Montana, Colorado .

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? My Husband and our dog – Brallen – Their cozy enough.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Live in a paid off home – NO MORTGAGE, take care of family and friends. Buy a boat and sail in the Caribbean, maybe have a glass of champagne everyday and watch my family grow - Invest

Hamburger or hot dog? For sure cheeseburgers with tons of Ketchup.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Bread & Cheese

City, beach or country? All three if possible; I would love to have a country home and a beach home – and rotate often. I love going into the city to visit for the day or night – wouldn’t want to live there.

What was the last thing you touched? Brallen – Kissed him goodbye for the day

When’s the last time you cried? Last night actually, it seems everyone is extremely insensitive and has no clue what I’m going through being 9 months pregnant

What color are your pants? Blue denim, jeans

Ever been involved with the police? Yes, it’s actually an extremely funny story that is way too long, but has been told many-a-times before.

What’s your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap? I usually switch every time I buy shampoo, but I love the way Biolage smells.

Do you talk in your sleep? I’ve been told I talk, yell, scream, and laugh in my sleep, I still don’t believe anyone though.

Ocean or pool? Ocean, I could float, stare, walk near, watch, swim, make love in the ocean for all time.

Have you ever had a cavity? Yes

Window seat or aisle seats? Window and it is perfect b/c my husband is an aisle guy

Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?. I feel as though I’m just beginning, and that I’m starting to fall behind. I really have an urgency hanging on my back to catch up.

Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl

Are you self-conscious? Yes

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes

Last gift you received? Glenn bought me the ottoman for my chair in the baby’s room, it’s like sitting on a cloud in heaven – it is that yummy.

What occasion did you receive your gift? None, he knew I really wanted it and we went together to get it.

Last thing you spent lots of money on? On my mortgage every month

Where do you live? Ball Ground, GA

Last wedding attended ? Two weeks ago, our dear friends Adrienne and Brennan. We have one this weekend as well, Mande and Ian – I always get so excited for couples getting married b/c once you go through it yourself, it’s like you can feel their anticipation and excitement and all of that true love is the air.

Favorite restaurant? I don't have one, nothing is good out near us, I do love the Cran-Goat Cheese & Grilled Pear Salad at Food 101.

What is your favorite kind of car? Escalade – Pearl White w/ 22’s. Other than that, I hate cars; they always seem to be making a new noise.

What’s your least favorite chore(s)? Anything to do w/ Laundry, ironing, folding, putting it away. . . I despise Laundry

Favorite drink? Champagne, Pina Coladas, Margaritas, Chocolate Milk, Lemonade, Cranberry Juice.

I miss you

Transforming

I am due in 11 days & counting. I've just begun to think how incredibly surreal this whole process is. I still feel like a baby myself, who could easily pack everything up and move back in with my mom and feel content in the secure bubble that my own mom seems to create wherever she ends up. . . fixing me grill cheese and chocolate milk. I could slowly ease in to this life with no worry or fear. I could forever pretend to be 5, before all of the disappointment and fear, before all of the let downs, before I became timid. I could still to this day, climb into a box and pretend it was a castle – if society would only let me. This is what I hope for my soon to be Baby Boy. I pray that he never feels disappointed in me, I hope that I can always be looked at in the right light by him, that he never catches on too who I really am, that his vision of me is a little hazy and fuzzy and never sharpened. I pray every night to keep him safe and I wonder if this is enough . . .? In the scary world that we live in today, I long for the days of my childhood for him. I long for him too know what it is like to run and run and run until the day lazily turns into dusk and the fireflies finally catch up with you. I would love to be the mother that my mom was, one that didn’t have to worry about where her kids were. She always had faith that we would be ok. She never had to second guess herself about if we were safe. We were always next door playing Capture the Flag or behind our house in the woods running from each other because you never knew who was a Cop or who was a Robber. We all had an innocence growing up, even our parents who had already seen so much, never had to be anxious about where their kids were. I hope this for my Baby Boy, but it is only a wish list that I know won’t be fulfilled. The only true relief I feel is that in our own little world that my Husband and I have created, there will never be a shortage of grilled cheese sandwichs and the chocolate milk is but a glass full away